Thanks Spit, or shall I call you Mr Fuck? Tell you what, I’ll call you Philip – as that’s the name in your email. It’s all well and good using a fake name but when you add your real email address it kinda makes it pointless. Dipshit. Why’ve you added a trophy cabinet to your car? That’s a bit stupid isn’t it? You’ll never win anything with that added weight. You must be one of the dumbest mother fuckers to ever email us.

James, in order to ‘key’ something you first need access to a ‘key’. Whatever care home you’ve emerged from to send me that email clearly doesn’t issue you with a key, perhaps a valve for your catheter, but not a key, no. You could dribble piss from your catheter down the side of the cars though, before being ushered back onto the sunshine bus.

Thanks for the email Josh. I would love to take down your cousin’s car. However, with this website being called YourCARisSHIT and your cousin’s car being, well, shit – it just doesn’t seem right now does it? Anyway, someone has to tell your cousin his car is shit, it may as well be you… and me of course.

Thanks for the email Scott. Your loving of the website has really made my day. In fact the birds sound a little chirpier, and the skirts of girls walking past the window seem a little higher. My day has indeed brightened up no end.Oh, as for removing the Fiesta… no, it’s shit.

It’s been a while since I’ve bothered to reply to one of these emails, but there was something about your desperate homophobic rant, hiding a closet urge to come out of the closet and stick your fingers in men’s arses, that compelled me to reply.So, do I think I’m in motoring hierarchy? No. Do I think all Saxos and Corsas are shit? Yes. Do I think you’re really 13 years old and have neither sat behind the wheel of a car, nor seen a woman naked? Definitely.

My site may have very old coding that I just can’t be fucked to update, but it still ranks #1 in Google for ‘chav cars’ and ‘shit cars’, thus pissing off morons like yourself.

Splendid!

Simple really, Barryboys is done for fun, nice harmless fun. YouCarIsShit.com is done because I want all of you Saxo driving chav scum to die painfully in a fireball of your own fibreglass mods. Twat.

That’s Mikey, much appreciated… now where’s my fucking medal?

Oh look, another illiterate cunt who speaks in txt speak. Let me say this very slowly so you can keep up. Saxos are shit, so shit in fact even the French disown them. If however you wish to drive a car driven by a cheese eating, wine guzzling surrender monkey then that’s your choice. Cunt.

I may suck, but at least I don’t fuck dead people.

Sounds like the bitch needs someone to smash her face in with a shovel. I suggest you do it without delay.

Another fucking Saxo driver?!? Look morons, it’s not big nor clever to drive a shitroen saxo. Bragging about it only shows the rest of the world how much of a sad wanker you are. Your 1.6 Saxo sounds like the sort of shit that couldn’t beat me if I were driving in reverse, in either of my cars. Go home, fuck your mother like you do every night then overdose on glue. Cock jockey.

I can barely understand what this illiterate cock stain is attempting to communicate. I think he’s saying he drives a Saxo, and has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage. Plus he likes to fuck his boy friend in the ass with his nose. Does that sound correct? Yes, I believe it does.

No, dipshit.

Another Saxo driver, you fuckwits must be roaming in packs… hang on, you do roam in packs, and hang out in Maccy D’s car parks with your acne ridden, argos jewelry clad girlfriends. Losers. Oh yeah, I’m constantly being ‘outpaced’ by Saxos and find myself longing for the sheer power of a dodgy French hatchback. You fucking wanker.

You drive a saxo… and are proud of the fact? Dude, you scrotum sucking cock gobbler. That has to be the worst car of all time. As for my BMW, I bought it with the money I made from you wankers on this website. Cheers!

Dude, use what you like. The sad cunts who own these cars wouldn’t know how to give you permission, or even speak in a coherant way for that matter. Please, take the pics and piss as much as you like. You have my blessing.

You were doing so well until you confessed to owning a Toyota Starlet. How in the name of Satan’s knob cheese can you seriously say a Toyota Starlet isn’t shit??? You dumb sister-fucking twat.

I’m the chav? Funny how I can converse with proper grammar while you seem unable to string a single sentence together isn’t it, you cum dripping goat’s cock?

That’s uncanny, I was indeed thinking of a 1 litre Nova with four chavs inside, and the guy is me.

oooooh, you’re ‘ard. My inspiration comes from the morons who fuck up their cars. I am aware of the barry thing site, now. This site has been here a while, you cock sucking towel of wank. Forums require people to remember their email AND a password, so the average user of this site is well fucked, as they can barely speak. Prick.

I don’t ‘now’ you at all James, but your views are appreciated. Glad someone feels I’m doing a valuable service here.

Yes, that one did get more out of hand than usual, but then these chavscum need somewhere to go when Halfords is shut. That Escort is really fucking shit too.

Wise words there rs.ole, wise words indeed.

Don’t fucking talk about it, do it. Wanker.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON??? This is a website about shit cars you dumb fucking moron, does it look like we need IT Support Solutions??? For fucks sake, you wankers really need to sort yourselves out. Black Widow you say? Hopefully you’ll all be fucking killed by a black widow and the world will be a more intelligent place for it… twat.

Something tells me you’re not the real Clarkson, for one thing you’re too literate.

Thanks for your valuable feedback Lawson, however you seem to have me confused with someone who gives a flying fuck about your opinions. I assure, I do not. But again, thanks.

Two seperate emails from the same prick. We’re honoured to receive your scrawls in much the same way as the police are delighted to receive messages from serial killers. So you’re going to ‘hack’ into our site are you prick? Good luck with that, you’ll find hacking requires coding knowledge, which in turn requires the ability to spell. That’s you fucked then innit? Stick to ‘hacking’ in through pensioner’s windows and mugging them for their pension money, you stain on society.

Gee Thomas, you kiss your mother with that mouth? Actually, you probably lick her arsehole with that mouth. Good luck shutting our website down, I look forward to your slack jawed efforts. One last thing, fuck off shit steeler!

Cheers for the kind words Terry, it’s always nice to hear from someone who appreciates the shitter things in life. We’ll aim to photograph as many shit cars, and expose as many tasteless chavs as we can… mine’s a Guinness by the way!

Fantastic. It’s great to hear from people all over the world who like to tell chavs that their cars are shit, and we’re stoked that we’ve inspired another website. Hopefully we can spread to global domination, with chavs everywhere being told just how utterly shite their motors are. Great work Robert, spread the word! Check out Robert’s website now, and tell German chavs that their cars are also, shit – www.shitcars.de

Obviously Paul, we take this kind of thing very seriously and this was passed to our team of lawyers. After much deliberation they said ‘Fuck the wankers at Corsa-B, they’re a bunch of cunts’.This surprised us somewhat, but then they are cheap lawyers. We don’t ‘link’ pictures from anywhere. Do you even know what you’re talking about? Doubtful, you do own a corsa… twat.

I would say it to your face Jerome, but sadly I don’t want to get too close to pikey twats like you. Therefor, I shall say it here, you’re a twat.

David Burton [d_j_burton@hotmail.com] from Birmingham
David didn’t email us as such, but he has constantly criticised our website both from a design point of view and a content point of view. David has built some websites himself, bless, and guess what? They’re shit. We won’t link to them as we don’t want to give out the backlinks (something David wouldn’t understand, but it’s one of those things that makes this site successful). Thanks for all of your comments David, but you’re a talentless fuck, so piss off.

Thanks for your comments Matt, it means a lot to us that you’ve been enjoying the website. Sadly our hosting account is unlikely to expire as we own the server, and all of the sites hosted on it. Apologies if the swearing seemed excessive, and offended your delicate sensibilities, but it was necessary to communicate the point across to those who only speak in that dialect – namely the chavs. If my BMW seems gay to you, perhaps it’s because you’re a cunt?